11 December, 2011

it seems i have an invisible suit

do you ever feel like you're invisible?

i certainly do, well that is until someone wants something.

i embarked on my weightloss/fitness mission about 2 months ago and i've been going really well. i've lost 11kg so far and i'm a hell of a lot fitter than i was and i'm just starting to feel like my body has some sort of normality about it. having 4 babies certainly isn't easy on the body!

aside from my personal trainer (who i love!) and my husband not one person has commented on me looking any different. i don't think i look drastically different yet but surely they can see something?

and what this does is highlights how invisible it can feel to be a mother.

prior to having my children i was a commercial sales manager for an appliance company. it was during the real boom in unit development and i was considered senior management and well.... important. there i had job satisfaction even if it didn't come in the way of the owner saying 'well done on getting that order for 150 units' i had a sense of completion. problems were solved, goods sent out and just jobs completed.

motherhood jobs are never completed. no-one ever says 'well done' and 'thank you' is about teaching the kids manners rather than someone actually being thankful.

so i figure clearly i must have my invisible suit on and people just can't see what a huge achievement loosing 11kg is...

do you ever feel invisible?

09 December, 2011

i'm sorry, what did you say?

today i took all 4 kids to a major shopping center to get lachlan's hair cut. i was prepared for the stares and the comments that people seem to think is acceptable to say just because you have more than 2 children.

the kids were actually good and we did received a few funny looks a bit like we were the travelling freak show but we didn't have to endure any comments. the lovely lady who cut lachy's hair said how lovely all the kids were and asked if i'd be trying for another boy, ahhhh that would be a NO! it did make a nice change from the usual things people say like:

gee you must have your hands full - ahh no shit sherlock!

i don't know how you cope - well actually neither do i but is there an option?

were they all planned? - no, we only 'tried' for our 3rd but feel completely blessed that we didn't actually have fertility issues.

gee that must be expensive - i don't recall asking you to pay for anything so how about you mind your own business!

are they all yours? - well unless i'm in the habit of picking up stray children around the place, yes, yes they are.

i don't know how you do it - i don't know that either.

don't you have a tv - sorry, what's that got to do with the price of cheese in china?

you're not having any more are you? - no i'm not but again that's none of your damn business!

now i know people aren't saying these things to be malicious but seriously do they really think they are the first ones who've said it to me? do you think pointing out obvious things to me helps me in my day?

so instead of a stare or a stupid comment how about a smile and "have a wonderful day".

19 October, 2011

please help this little boy & his family

i learnt of this terribly sad story some time ago. william morrison is a very sick little boy in brisbane and is suffering from a rare form of leukaemia.

his family has been by his bedside for the past 5 months, hoping & praying for him to get better. they are selling their family home as they have been unable to work in their normal jobs.

you can read william's story on the below link.


if you can give to this lovely family and poor little boy please do so on the link on their website.

thank you.

24 September, 2011

R U Ok?

the short answer to this is no. no i'm not.

the long answer is this:

i'm now 12 weeks in after my 4th (and final) baby and i feel like i'm struggling.

i think i may be suffering from post natal depression. it actually has nothing to do with the kids and more to do with myself, how i feel about my body and my desire to loose 25kg. i've had 4 children in 5 years and it has obviously taken a toll on my body.

i wanted an easy way to loose the weight, it wasn't going to work. i picked myself up from this and decided ok, well, it's the old fashioned way then & contacted my personal trainer to go from there. we hit a few speed bumps sorting some stuff out and i crumbled.

when i hit lows they are really low and i cry at everything to the point where my 5yo keeps asking 'mummy why are you crying?'. i feel overwhelmed and i just don't know if i can pull myself out this time. this has all just hit me this week, up until now i have actually been ok.

i have never suffered from depression myself but i have experienced it with people around me so i am no complete stranger to it. but i feel defeated, i feel like all of those people who said 'how will you possibly cope darling?' have won. you can read about my previous post about it here.

i feel like i've failed. they were right. i'm not coping. i'm overwhelmed and logically i know it doesn't mean i've failed i can't help but feel it. i know it is nothing to be ashamed of so that's why i'm putting it out there. being a mother is no easy job.

looking after 6 people takes a lot of work. not hard work but constant, mundane and repetitive never ending work. the work is just never done, never. plus i run a business.

i am going to see my dr next week to talk about it and hopefully get some help for a little while to lessen the rock bottom lows.

01 September, 2011

things the books don't tell you

i started thinking about some of the things i've realised over the past 6 years, the stuff that you just don't find printed in all of those book you read about pregnancy, birth and beyond.

here's a list of a few i'd like to share:
  • you will feel guilty
  • you will cry, some sad tears, some happy
  • it's ok to cry
  • birthing any way is ok
  • having pain relief through labour is ok
  • some mothers judge and make other mothers feel bad. they are not worth your time
  • breast feeding is great
  • bottle feeding is great
  • choice is great
  • kids change your life
  • c-sections hurt - a lot
  • some things get easier, some get harder
  • drink lots of pear juice after birth - trust me!
  • the end of pregnancy is hard no matter who you are
  • breastfeeding hurts at first, even when you're doing it 'right'
  • a good photograph is all about angles
  • fed is best
  • if you've had a natural birth, you should not attempt to use a tampon for at least 6 months. when you do - it will hurt
can you relate to any of the things on the list above?

31 August, 2011


i don't like sharing.

pretty much plain and simple, i really don't like sharing anything.

i especially do not like sharing my bed, my pillow and my drinks. with anyone. obviously i do share my bed with my husband, and i am ok with that - really i am. what i don't like to do is share my bed with my children and definitely do. not. touch. my. pillow!

i guess some of this feeling is just me and some of it comes from me feeling like i share everything of me all the time. i've shared my body to grow 4 beautiful children over the past 5.5 years, i share my time, my emotion my everything all day and all night and i guess some little things i consider precious and just simply - mine.

how do you go with sharing, do you mind?

19 August, 2011

the strangest thing

so if you've read my blog before you may already know that i don't breastfeed. it is purely by choice and i am completely comfortable and ok with this choice. i had no desire to breastfeed this time with baby #4 but that wasn't always the case.

i did try to breastfeed my first baby, and in hindsight to stupid lengths. i really tried hard and wanted desperately for it to work. it didn't. i felt bad, i felt pressure, i felt like i had failed. i felt like i had to explain to people that i did try to breastfeed but i never got milk. i read all of these comments that everyone gets milk, you just have to try harder. i never got milk. plain and simple i just never got milk.

in the end it was such a horrific experience in general for me and my baby and i swore black and blue i was never going to put myself through that hell again. i heard there was a tablet you could take after the baby was born to stop you getting milk. as soon as i fell pregnant again i spoke to my dr and told him i wanted that, fine, it was sorted. when baby number 2, 3 & 4 arrived it didn't even cross my mind to breastfeed - until now....

a few weeks ago after my shower i wondered to myself if the tablet had indeed stopped my milk. i squeezed my breast and *gasp* there was milk....

this got me thinking 'what if'.. what if i i tried.. would i know what to do? would my baby know what to do?

did i try it? no. but i did wonder.

at the end of the day fed is best. if the baby is fed, happy and settled then life is good.

17 July, 2011


my little baby is 2 weeks old now and i can honestly say the time is just flying by, way too quickly.

i'm feeling good, my recovery is going well, much better than last time which is what everyone said. it is still harder than a natural birth recovery and it's hard not being able to do everything but i'm getting there.

i love all my children equally, however, this time i feel far more.. patient or something.... content maybe.

i love and appreciate this little baby more than anything and i am relishing every second she is this little as i know i won't have this ever again. the other kids are doing great and just love their new sister so much.

i'm 2 weeks old...

05 July, 2011

mila rose

welcome to the world mila rose.

you joined our family at 4.45pm on friday 1st july 2011.

we love you, you complete me and my child bearing, you complete us as a family.

tomorrow we will leave hospital and begin our life at home with dadda, your sisters and brother. your big sister loves you soo much as does your big brother, your little big sister is still adjusting to you but we just know she too will love you more than anything.

my love always

01 July, 2011

1st july 2011

today is the day, today is your day, the day you will be born.

i'm feeling quite scared about the surgery but i am so excited to finally meet you. to touch you, to see what you look like, to see how big (or little) you are. to name you, your name, your special name.

here is the last picture of you in my belly, the next picture will just be you, wrapped up in a nice warm lanky or 'snug as a bug in a rug' as we like to say.

you have been a bit quiet this morning, i wonder if you know what's about to happen. i am enjoying feeling you move for the last time, the last time for you but the last time ever for me too.

i love you more than words can say.


25 June, 2011

the end is near...

the date is set, the end is near and emotions are running high.

i finally got the date set with my dr this week and i have a focus point for this to all end. i am so happy, excited but most of all right now anxious and quite scared. it felt very confronting when i did all the paperwork with the dr for the surgery and he ran through all the risks of the surgery etc. now i know that is just procedure and i have had a c/section before (emergency) plus other surgery but this i felt quite emotional over. it is just sooooooooo different to giving birth naturally.

i am like an emotional ball of rubber bands ready to be cut and unravelled at any given second right now. i was even snitchy with one of my very dear, kind, helpful and caring friends (sorry anita!) for which i apologised after, i am just so on edge.

i had a really good chat with my best friend (thanks sarah) who has 5 children, had 3 natural, 4th emergency c/section, 5th kind of planned c/section so she totally gets where i am coming from on every level.

i know all will be fine and as soon as i see my precious little baby girl all will be forgotten, i just can't shake this emotional fear right now. i'm also getting my tubes tied during the surgery and whilst this is exactly what i definitely want to do i feel very sad that i won't be having any more babies. i can pass up the pregnancy bit any day but the new babies i just love!

i am keeping the date under wraps right now for my own sanity as i just can't be reminded all the time that it is approaching, plus i like the idea of making the news a little surprise for you all.

belly getting very big now....

19 June, 2011

week 36

week 36

i've been doing it tough and just want this over. now i've managed to pick up a cold just for good measure. as i sit here covered with tissues to stop my constantly dripping nose i feel completely sorry for myself.

seeing dr again this week so desperately hoping to get my date finalised. this will give me the focus to get through to the end.

until next week..

16 June, 2011

the can't wait list..

i wrote this the other night during one of my sleepless nights...

as i sit here at 1am yet again suffering from this terrible insomnia i decided i would do a list of things i simply can't wait for:
  • to sleep on my belly and/or back
  • to have a DRINK
  • to be comfortable when i sleep
  • to not need to pee several times a night
  • to be rid of insomnia
  • to not feel like i'm about to vomit out a baby
  • no more heartburn
  • no more sciatic back pain
  • a 'normal' hormone balance
  • no more painful ugly veins in my legs
i'm sure there are other symptoms/joys that aren't listed above that i will miss like a hole in the head but that's the list for now.

14 June, 2011

week 35

as we inch ever closer to the end of this pregnancy i feel so glad i won't have to ever feel this uncomfortable again. this is definitely my last baby and i am so ready to close this chapter in my life, however, no sooner have i said that i feel sad that this will be my last baby.

i so love having new babies and i am so sad this is my last.

what i am looking forward to is getting some of me back and regaining some sort of shape to my poor body. i will no longer have it hijacked by these little beings i have been creating. gee what a clever mama i am!

i see my dr this afternoon and i'm hoping to get a date finalised so i have my end to focus on so i can get through this last little bit.

until next week....

04 June, 2011

week 34

i am getting so over this being pregnant caper. my belly is so big and so hard that i am constantly uncomfortable. i pretty much get braxton hicks contractions when i walk anywhere, even from the lounge to the kitchen and whilst these aren't painful they make my belly so hard it is seriously uncomfortable.

saw ob last week and thankfully he is sympathetic that i am nearing the end of my tether. i've been sick so many times this pregnancy and yep you guessed it i'm getting sick yet again, not impressed!

until next week..

30 May, 2011

week 33

here we are again, week 33 and getting closer....

getting very over being pregnant and wanting this to be over. insomnia is plaguing me big time now and whilst i have no issues falling asleep at 9pm it's the 2-3am wake up that's the problem... sometimes i stay in bed and drift back off but most of the time i get up make a nice hot cuppa and watch some tv and/or work.

at times i go back to bed at about 5am to grab another hour of sleep but most of the time that is when my day starts.

until next week..

25 May, 2011

week 32

week 32 and just 6ish weeks to go.....

although at times i feel this pregnancy is dragging a bit, i feel like i've just turned around & only have such a small amount of time left.

this leaves me with those all too familiar feelings of worry and just a bit anxious of how i really will cope with 4 small children. i seem to have these feelings towards the end of pregnancy and so far i have done ok will all the other kids but you just never know...

23 May, 2011

it's all in a name

at 20 weeks when we found out we were having a girl i had a bit of a name dilemma. i had a name all picked out for a boy, but nothing for a girl.

a name then came to me which i really loved. i actually have a few lists of names i like which i have compiled and added to over the years which to my surprise this name was actually on.

husband likes the name and we agreed our little girl will be called this, but.....

whilst i do really love the name i am worried it is just too popular right now. i don't want to choose a name that i feel there will be several of when my child goes to school. i do have another name that i really like, however husband doesn't like it and almost before it was out of my mouth he said a very big 'NO'.

so what do i do?

we have never had this issue before as i have picked all the kids names and husband has liked them and agreed.

do i just wait until i give birth and see what name she 'looks' like? or do i try and deal with it now?

have you ever had this happen, what did you do?

22 May, 2011

long overdue update

well i've been seriously neglecting my blog for a long time now. i did have very good intentions of blogging my way through this entire pregnancy with weekly updates but clearly this just hasn't happened.

i'm now here at week 32 and i feel like it's kind of just passed me by. but at the very same time i feel like i have a lifetime of being pregnant still to go.

i am going ok although my back is starting to fail me with sciatica which will get increasingly worse over the remaining weeks.

i change my mind daily with my birth choice of vbac or repeat c/section but i 'think' i've come up with a plan, well for now anyway.....

i will have my dr check me at 37 weeks and if my cervix is looking favourable and showing signs of softening and/or dialation then i will use all of my strength to wait for 5-7 days to see if he can break my waters at 38 weeks. if my cervix is closed, high and showing absolutely no signs of progress then i will opt for the c/section some time between 37 & 38 weeks.

here are some progress pics..

06 April, 2011

looking for stockists

we are currently looking for more local & international stockists for our gorgeous new range of designer hospital gowns - the chic alternative for the maternity ward!

if you have a maternity and/or baby store, either online or actual shop front and are interested in stocking this chic and innovative product i would love to hear from you.

please email your interest to designermamas@bigpond.com and our new range can be viewed here.

25 March, 2011

our new range - so exciting!

i am simply bursting out of my skin about our new range of designer hospital gowns that are coming very soon! we have 4 gorgeous new prints available in 3 sizes, S/M, L/XL & Plus Size 1X.

from top left: Sassy Mama, Chic Mama, Princess Mama & Designer Mama

they are available for pre-sale purchase off our website now designer mamas with stock expected to arrive approximately May 2011.

i really hope you love them just as much as i do.

21 March, 2011

i'm a winner!

i can proudly no longer lay claim to the statement 'i never win anything'!

i was soooooo excited to receive an email a week ago advising me i had won a brand new HiLo Highchair on Babyology.

i really found it quite impossible to believe and to be honest i thought someone was having a lend of me. then the box arrived and nope it wasn't a joke i really did win a fabulous new highchair with a value of $399.95.

so this is my new baby..
it's groovy, practical and going to make a great edition to our family!

03 March, 2011

and we're baking another.......


had our 20 week scan today and we have a wonderfully healthy & happy baby girl baking away in my tummy.

our gorgeous little bundle was so well behaved for the whole scan and everything is where is should be and measuring correctly.

i feel a little sad for my little man who won't have a brother but selfishly i kind of like that he is my only special little boy. i am just so thrilled that everything was ok and the baby is all healthy.

hope you are all having a wonderful week!

28 February, 2011

feeling boo hoo

i'll be 20 weeks along this week, and oh boy how quickly this is all happening. i'm sure with each pregnancy the time just seems to go by quicker, i guess because life is just so busy, there isn't much time to just sit or think about being pregnant.

getting further along has prompted me to really think about the fact that i will be having another cesarean. i cannot stress enough how much i really, really, really do not want to have surgery again. having done both natural (my first 2) then cesarean (my 3rd) i know the difference and i can tell you 1000% i would rather labour for 30hrs, heck even 48hrs to avoid that surgery and the recovery pain.

a sterile, cold operating room full of people, bright blinding lights being strapped to a table is not my idea of celebrating the birth of my baby. now i'm not an all natural type of woman for birth, i do have epidurals which means i am confined to the bed for my birth, but i do have my husband with me ALL the time and i have my favourite cd playing on the stereo and my lip gloss on my table right at arms lenght. all of that is gone by signing up for a repeat cesarean.

i thought i had dealt with this and i was 'ok' with the surgery and recovery but i just don't think i am.

i just watched a video of a woman who had a cesarean for her first birth after 'failure to progress' then she had a planned cesarean with her 2nd baby as she was told the baby was 'big' then she had a home water birth for her 3rd. i cried and cried. i remember lying on that operating table being absolutely terrified and i just know i am going to be terrified again.

my husband wants me to have the cesarean as he do not want to take a risk no matter how small. he said 'you've done it natural, you have given birth before'. i guess by that he means i have done it that way, i've had my experience, now it's just time to go with the 'safe' way. it is so not about that for me. i know i can do it, i've done it. it's about the experience as explained above and the recovery.

my dr said he would support a vbac for me but he 'really doesn't recommend it'. i get this, dr's are all about avoiding any risk and obviously he can't tell me all will be fine. he has seen a rupture before and actually had to repair it but he has not had a patient in his care that has ruptured. possibly because they all have repeat cesareans perhaps?

i am conflicted and it doesn't sit well with me.

have you had a vbac & what was you experience? or alternatively, did you choose to have a repeat cesarean, if so were you happy with your choice. i would love to hear from you to try and make this decision a little easier for me.

thanks in advance.

11 February, 2011


well i'm 17 weeks along now, oh how quickly that has gone!

i had an ob visit yesterday and was really hoping he could see the sex of the baby but as usual my children never participate in ultrasounds and he couldn't see.

i was quite disappointed but really i kind of knew he wasn't going to be able to tell yet. my 20 week scan is in 3 weeks so lets hope they can see then!

but all good news with the baby growing well and the right size with a good strong heartbeat so things are progressing well.

17 week old baby

until next time..

29 January, 2011

is it worth it?

every thursday or friday night we have a babysitter that comes so husband and i can have 'date night'.

i decided that instead of getting the cleaner in every week this was a better use of our money at this point in time. as most of you would know i'm sure, it can be difficult to get to even talk as a couple with little children around let alone actually spend quality time.

i am starting to rethink.

so for example last week - husband was actually home reasonably early to 'help'. what proceeded to happen was this: husband takes work phone call and spends the next 45 mins outside on the phone. inside there was complete chaos unfolding and after edi had fallen off the change table, lachlan had peed everywhere and the spaghetti pasta had boiled dry on the stove i felt a little.... stressed.

all of this is going down whilst i am trying to also get myself ready to go out. i push on and cuddle edi until she stops screaming, change lachlan & clean up the pee, salvage the pasta from the stove, feed the kids, put edi to bed and finish getting ready. then husband walks in from his phone call and says 'ok are we nearly ready to go?' i look at him with what must look like devil eyes and say something to the effect of 'yes and no thanks to you!'

once we actually get going and have our evening it is always very nice.

but is it really worth it? i mean really, really worth it?

this week was similar in that by the time i was leaving the house i am stressed. and correct me if i am wrong but isn't part of the whole purpose of going out for dinner so you can relax, talk, enjoy each other's company and so you don't have to cook dinner? so i have to cook dinner anyway, isn't that kind of half defeating the purpose?

what are your thoughts, do you think it's worth the effort and stress?

25 January, 2011

such a big girl now

today my precious baby lara-grace started prep.

she was just so excited and for the last 2 weeks has literally been bursting out of her skin to get to school. thankfully her little best friend from daycare who she's spent the last 5 years with was also going to the same school and they put them in the same class.

i thought i would be really sad (complete with tears flowing!) to see her grow up but the excitement just gushed out of her and it was impossible not to share her excitement and joy. it would have been a completely different storey if she was upset and clingy.

so this got me thinking... this really does bring about a whole other level of the responsibility of parenting. today is the first day of her 13 years of schooling life. this is where we have to really start being responsible and accountable parents. i'm not saying we haven't been responsible parents to date but that responsibility just lies with us, but now we have a teacher to work with too. that's really full on.

enough of the heavy stuff!

here are some pictures of her first day at school, enjoy!