31 August, 2011


i don't like sharing.

pretty much plain and simple, i really don't like sharing anything.

i especially do not like sharing my bed, my pillow and my drinks. with anyone. obviously i do share my bed with my husband, and i am ok with that - really i am. what i don't like to do is share my bed with my children and definitely do. not. touch. my. pillow!

i guess some of this feeling is just me and some of it comes from me feeling like i share everything of me all the time. i've shared my body to grow 4 beautiful children over the past 5.5 years, i share my time, my emotion my everything all day and all night and i guess some little things i consider precious and just simply - mine.

how do you go with sharing, do you mind?

19 August, 2011

the strangest thing

so if you've read my blog before you may already know that i don't breastfeed. it is purely by choice and i am completely comfortable and ok with this choice. i had no desire to breastfeed this time with baby #4 but that wasn't always the case.

i did try to breastfeed my first baby, and in hindsight to stupid lengths. i really tried hard and wanted desperately for it to work. it didn't. i felt bad, i felt pressure, i felt like i had failed. i felt like i had to explain to people that i did try to breastfeed but i never got milk. i read all of these comments that everyone gets milk, you just have to try harder. i never got milk. plain and simple i just never got milk.

in the end it was such a horrific experience in general for me and my baby and i swore black and blue i was never going to put myself through that hell again. i heard there was a tablet you could take after the baby was born to stop you getting milk. as soon as i fell pregnant again i spoke to my dr and told him i wanted that, fine, it was sorted. when baby number 2, 3 & 4 arrived it didn't even cross my mind to breastfeed - until now....

a few weeks ago after my shower i wondered to myself if the tablet had indeed stopped my milk. i squeezed my breast and *gasp* there was milk....

this got me thinking 'what if'.. what if i i tried.. would i know what to do? would my baby know what to do?

did i try it? no. but i did wonder.

at the end of the day fed is best. if the baby is fed, happy and settled then life is good.