25 February, 2012

motherhood ~ what an isolating experience

i never understood what motherhood would be like, i mean how could you really know anyway? it probably didn't start well for me with my first pregnancy being unplanned and all. i mean i found out 3 weeks before my wedding - what a shock! anyway, that's getting off track and a whole other post..

i am so fucking sick of doing the same shit every day. i'm sick of cleaning up after everyone, cooking dinner, washing, folding, changing shitty nappies, picking shit up off the floor and the list just goes on BUT is never. ending. i try to explain it to husband and he says he gets it but i know he doesn't, i mean how could you possibly know if you don't live it day in day out. every. single. day.

my business helps and doesn't. it helps in adding variation to my day and keeps me stimulated but obviously adds another pressure and something on the list of things to do. i'm now embarking on another business venture, well you know because 1 business, 4 kids, a husband, house and a dog just aren't enough.. in all seriousness i love working and i really am an ideas person so coming up with new ideas just kinda comes naturally to me.

so stay tuned to my not so riveting parenting and new exciting adventures with giggle australia in the coming months :)

do you find motherhood mundane and isolating? how do you combat it?

01 February, 2012

ok yep, i'm a bad mama

just a warning before i start, this post isn't pretty.

yesterday morning i smacked miss 6 hard, like really hard on her legs. i didn't really mean to smack her that hard but sometimes you just 'connect' if you know what i mean? the night before she got into big trouble for banging on mr 3's very sore infected ear and in the morning she did it again - i lost it.

i feel bad, no correction, i feel terrible. i left her in her room afterwards then i went back in and talked to her about it. i told her i was very upset at her for touching is sore ear again and that was very mean but i told her i was sorry i smacked her so hard and that i loved her very much. we talked a little more and she cried and said sorry to mr 3.

mornings are stressful and i'm not using that as an excuse but there is no denying it. getting 4 kids up, fed, lunches made, dressed, bags packed, hair and teeth done, in the car and on the road by 8am is no easy exercise.

i try very hard not to yell, i try very hard not to smack - but sometimes i do.

i hate it and i always feel terrible. so yep i'm a bad mama.

do you ever lose it?