19 August, 2011

the strangest thing

so if you've read my blog before you may already know that i don't breastfeed. it is purely by choice and i am completely comfortable and ok with this choice. i had no desire to breastfeed this time with baby #4 but that wasn't always the case.

i did try to breastfeed my first baby, and in hindsight to stupid lengths. i really tried hard and wanted desperately for it to work. it didn't. i felt bad, i felt pressure, i felt like i had failed. i felt like i had to explain to people that i did try to breastfeed but i never got milk. i read all of these comments that everyone gets milk, you just have to try harder. i never got milk. plain and simple i just never got milk.

in the end it was such a horrific experience in general for me and my baby and i swore black and blue i was never going to put myself through that hell again. i heard there was a tablet you could take after the baby was born to stop you getting milk. as soon as i fell pregnant again i spoke to my dr and told him i wanted that, fine, it was sorted. when baby number 2, 3 & 4 arrived it didn't even cross my mind to breastfeed - until now....

a few weeks ago after my shower i wondered to myself if the tablet had indeed stopped my milk. i squeezed my breast and *gasp* there was milk....

this got me thinking 'what if'.. what if i i tried.. would i know what to do? would my baby know what to do?

did i try it? no. but i did wonder.

at the end of the day fed is best. if the baby is fed, happy and settled then life is good.


  1. Good on you for looking after yourself, for something that is supposed to be the most natural thing in the world certainly didn't come naturally for me either with my first! Hell, it was an absolute nightmare! And the pressure from the midwives, doctors, nurses etc was insane! Its hard enough looking after babies without all the pressure from the outside world! You make your stance, and be proud you are doing what is best for both of you! XX

  2. I agree, fed is best. I had trouble with my first and went to the bottle after 3 months and never looked back. He was a much happier and more settled bub. Scew the women with their judgmental looks, they don't know what it's like. There should be support out there for whatever choice we make. Hope the new bub is well and settling in. Mine is 6 weeks now and growing fast. Keep up the good work.

  3. agree too, fed is best.
    My first two bubs were bottle fed... I felt so guilty when i put my first on the bottle, but after struggling with wrecked nipples, and then a screaming baby who just DID NOT want to breast feed, i decided that i'd rather enjoy my bub and not breast feed thanks!
    I tried with the second but for a number of reasons, it didnt work out and i really had no interest to!
    I was convinced my third would be bottlefed too, but thought i'd give bf a go, and whatdya know!? she fed brilliantly.

    I think midwives and nurses (and other women) need to be more supportive and less pro-breast feeding! In the end a happy baby AND a happy mum are the most important thing! I do not understand why midwives put women through hell, and women put themselves through hell, trying in vain when sometimes, breastfeeding is just not a option.
    I also think women have the right to choose not to breast feed, for no reason other than they dont want to. As long as the baby is being fed, and loved, and everything else is in order, mums are people too not just milk bars!

  4. Good for you for making a decision and then making peace with it, no matter what anybody thinks. VB is exclusively breastfed except when she goes to day care one day a week. Usually I will feed her a bottle of formula each night before then, and express the feed she missed for her to take to day care. And I'm perfectly fine with that decision :)

  5. i wonder if it would've went smoothly this time? i wonder if it is too late to try now?

    hmmm... interesting post nicky!

    sometimes i dream about not breast feeding, just so i can sit, like you, and enjoy a glass or two of cold refreshing moet!! ;)