the long answer is this:
i'm now 12 weeks in after my 4th (and final) baby and i feel like i'm struggling.
i think i may be suffering from post natal depression. it actually has nothing to do with the kids and more to do with myself, how i feel about my body and my desire to loose 25kg. i've had 4 children in 5 years and it has obviously taken a toll on my body.
i wanted an easy way to loose the weight, it wasn't going to work. i picked myself up from this and decided ok, well, it's the old fashioned way then & contacted my personal trainer to go from there. we hit a few speed bumps sorting some stuff out and i crumbled.
when i hit lows they are really low and i cry at everything to the point where my 5yo keeps asking 'mummy why are you crying?'. i feel overwhelmed and i just don't know if i can pull myself out this time. this has all just hit me this week, up until now i have actually been ok.
i have never suffered from depression myself but i have experienced it with people around me so i am no complete stranger to it. but i feel defeated, i feel like all of those people who said 'how will you possibly cope darling?' have won. you can read about my previous post about it here.
i feel like i've failed. they were right. i'm not coping. i'm overwhelmed and logically i know it doesn't mean i've failed i can't help but feel it. i know it is nothing to be ashamed of so that's why i'm putting it out there. being a mother is no easy job.
looking after 6 people takes a lot of work. not hard work but constant, mundane and repetitive never ending work. the work is just never done, never. plus i run a business.
i am going to see my dr next week to talk about it and hopefully get some help for a little while to lessen the rock bottom lows.