the end is near...

the date is set, the end is near and emotions are running high.

i finally got the date set with my dr this week and i have a focus point for this to all end. i am so happy, excited but most of all right now anxious and quite scared. it felt very confronting when i did all the paperwork with the dr for the surgery and he ran through all the risks of the surgery etc. now i know that is just procedure and i have had a c/section before (emergency) plus other surgery but this i felt quite emotional over. it is just sooooooooo different to giving birth naturally.

i am like an emotional ball of rubber bands ready to be cut and unravelled at any given second right now. i was even snitchy with one of my very dear, kind, helpful and caring friends (sorry anita!) for which i apologised after, i am just so on edge.

i had a really good chat with my best friend (thanks sarah) who has 5 children, had 3 natural, 4th emergency c/section, 5th kind of planned c/section so she totally gets where i am coming from on every level.

i know all will be fine and as soon as i see my precious little baby girl all will be forgotten, i just can't shake this emotional fear right now. i'm also getting my tubes tied during the surgery and whilst this is exactly what i definitely want to do i feel very sad that i won't be having any more babies. i can pass up the pregnancy bit any day but the new babies i just love!

i am keeping the date under wraps right now for my own sanity as i just can't be reminded all the time that it is approaching, plus i like the idea of making the news a little surprise for you all.

belly getting very big now....