please help lori

as i sit here on this rainy, miserable saturday with my totally imperfect life, i think of a woman who i only learnt of recently.

her name is lori and she has a blog Random Ramblings of a Stay at Home Mum. recently lori lost her husband to suicide. now i do not know lori, nor do i know anyone who knows lori personally but i cannot stop thinking about her. i came across lori through this wonderful community of people that is the internet of blogging etc.

i think of her day and night and what it must be like to just one day have your husband gone, never to be seen again. she has small children who have just lost their daddy. i weep every time i think about that prospect.

so suddenly my life seems pretty perfect.

i feel i have to do something to try and help. a few of lori's friends have put together a 'collection' as such to at least help with the financial burden she is now facing. you can find how to donate here at Where's My Glow.

last week lori buried her husband - can you imagine that? i know i can't.

thinking of you lori.

breast v's bottle feeding

i've decided to write about this 'controversial' topic that seriously just bugs the hell out of me!

i am so sick to death of these discussions going around and people feeling like they have a right to force their views onto other people and make mothers feel guilty or somehow inadequate for their situation or choice. i mean seriously what gives people the right to think that's ok?

a lady said to me recently that she was very pro-breastfeeding before she had her baby but a short sharp reality check soon followed. she got ill, had no milk and had a reflux baby and now maintains a new mantra of 'fed is best'. i told her at the time i would definitely be using that one.

fed is best people!

fed - is - best.

if you breast feed, great!

if you bottle feed, great!

personally i've chosen to bottle feed my children.

after my horrible experience with my first child and just not getting any milk i decided i wasn't going to put myself through that hell again so all 3 have had bottles as will my 4th child.

for me personally, i actually find it easier and it's my choice.

i wish these fruitless, anger provoking debates would just stop and everyone would just accept each other's choices.

grow baby grow

i was very pleased to get the results of my 12 week scan and told i was in the 'very low risk' category. to be honest i was a little concerned this time. i guess i feel like having 4 children i was kind of pushing my luck.

obviously there is still lots that can go wrong and i can only hope and cross every part of my body that nothing does.

we are 13 weeks now and just waiting for our little bubba to grow baby grow!

2011 what do you have in store for us?

a {belated} warm welcome to 2011.

i wonder what this year will bring? i'm certain about a few things:

1. we will be welcoming our 4th & final child to our family

2. there will be change

3. i will aim to be positive

4. i will try my hardest not to sweat the small stuff

our baby will be joining our family early july which is both scary and exciting. it doesn't really feel real yet but i just know the next 6 months is going to fly by.

this year there will be change. some exciting change to do with the business which i can't wait for and some challenging personal change.

positive, positive, positive.

i feel i have wasted far too much time sweating the small stuff, time to think BIG.

i hope 2011 is a good year for all of you too!

so far so good..

we've made it to double figures, 10 weeks along now.

i've had a few scans as i had some bleeding and the baby is happy and healthy with a strong heartbeat for now so fingers crossed.

going ok except i've managed to seriously hurt my back so getting around and doing things for the kids is a bit of a challenge. hopefully in the next couple of days things will improve.

little bean is growing, growing..

until next time...

oh how you've grown

my dearest lara-grace,

wishing you a very happy 5th birthday for today.

i remember the day i met you like it was just last week and i can't believe 5 years have passed us by.

you are off to prep next year and we have some uniforms for you already. you are very excited and also very ready for this next stage in your life.

you are also very excited that we are having another baby and you can't wait to meet your new brother or sister.

love always,

mama x

never say never...

i never thought i would say this but i've decided i am going to book into have a cesarean for this birth, as it's going to be easier. in my mind cesarean definitely does not equal easier, however in this instance it does.

i am a planner, through and through. i am also very detail orientated.

the cesarean i experienced with my 3rd child was all but good. firstly i wasn't meant to have one, secondly it happened after 33 hours of labour and thirdly the recovery was horrible. i obviously overdid it at some point and 2 weeks after the surgery i was back to pain like day 1 recovery. it was so bad i had to go back onto the strong painkillers just to get some relief.

now that i've had a cesarean they do not like to induce you due to the risk of labour coming on very quickly and the uterus rupturing. at the end of pregnancy i suffer terribly from severe sciatic back and hip pain which is why i get induced at 38 weeks.

i like the thought of having a v-bac delivery but it just isn't practical for me to wait to go into labour & then if you don't and you go overdue they won't induce you so it's surgery anyway. aside from that already having 3 little children i need to get my mum to fly in to look after them whilst i am in hospital and that just isn't so easy at a moments notice.

so that's my decision and slowly i am getting used to the idea.

my dr has booked me in for the cesarean at 38 weeks and if by some miracle i go into labour before that i would attempt the v-bac.

i can only hope with this time being planned the experience is a little easier for me to take and the recovery better.

fingers crossed and remember never say never...